Why Do We Apologize So Much?

Why do we, we as in women, apologize so much for things that have no reason for us to be apologizing for? How many times do you find yourself saying I’m sorry to strangers, friends, coworkers, and family for something that you shouldn’t be? The other night I was having a discussion with a friend who was having a lot of stress in her life. Her mother is ill in the hospital, she has too much going on at once, and her son is going through some things that make her upset. While she is telling me all this, her eyes tear up and she says she’s sorry. Sorry for what I ask? Sorry for having emotions, sorry for being exhausted, sorry for taking care of your sick mother and worrying about your son?

We all do this, think about it. I have apologized for “being in the way” when someone buffoon isn’t paying attention and bumps into me. I am trying to avoid the person, but they are oblivious of their surroundings, still I apologize like I did something. How about when we say I’m sorry for not giving food on someone’s plate if they ask for a little more? Is it our fault that the person is really hungry and we didn’t read their mind? How about when you’re speaking and you mispronounce a word or you accidentally drop something. Silly little things and we are always saying, “I’m sorry”. I WANT us all to stop apologizing for silly little things that aren’t our fault.

We women seem to be apologizing for every little thing, no matter how insignificant. Why then, if we can say I’m sorry for something that isn’t our fault about 50 times a day, that we have the hardest time apologizing for things that truly need an apology from us, like our poor behavior, arguing with someone, hurting someone’s feelings, or overreacting to a situation. Instead, we get mad and stand our ground to prove we are right, when these are the situations that would make us better women if we would take responsibility and apologize for.
How many times have you NOT apologized to your husband but apologized to the cashier when they hand you money and they miss your hand and the coins drop? Why is that easy and saying were sorry to loved ones so hard.

OK, I’m digressing, the coffee is kicking in……back to my friend who apologized for her eyes watering up. That to me does not warrant an apology. If she wasn’t emotional with all the stress in her life I would have been more concerned. She had every right to tear up, as a matter of fact, she should have did one of those all out ugly cries to make herself feel better. We walk around trying to give the impression we are so strong and have it all together, when in fact we are only women, who get tired, stressed, worried, and overwhelmed and life just gets to us sometimes. What kind of friends or women would we be to one another if we aren’t comfortable enough to let our guards down and show our emotions without having to apologize for them?

Apologize to me for being rude, butting line if you didn’t see me standing there at the deli counter for the usual 20 minutes just to get that darn ham, not providing proper credit on a project we worked on together, or saying something totally inappropriate to me that hurts my feelings. But by all means, don’t apologize for wanting to cry a little because your life at the moment is overwhelming and you’re trying to take care of everyone else and forgetting that it’s alright to stop and take care of yourself. That is how we get through life when it gets unbearable, we have to take the time and regroup, re-energize, and take some time for ourselves or we’ll go crazy. We have to allow ourselves to show emotions, cry, and yell if that is what we need to keep going without losing our minds.

LET IT OUT and don’t apologize for it (except if you bump into me walking in a store and I’m trying to get out of your way and you’re not paying attention)!

Shari – I Want It All